Introversion is not a lack of Confidence

In a brief moment standing in a gentle embrace, one glance... one inward look. 

For the remainder of the day I spent the time wondering how in that moment I could see so much. As children we become acclimated to the concept of having ones life flash before them. Reading about those moments it is often mind boggling how different, yet how very similar those experiences can be from person to person. 

Those moments litter the planet in situations that oftentimes shake our philanthropic selves to the very core. There are those beautiful glimpses in time when that very flash changes forever the course of an individuals life, and inevitably the life of those surrounding the individual. 

While waltzing an elegant dance which involves sound and rhythm, but in the end no shuffling of feet, there was that one glance which led to that one inward look in which I saw my own eye. 

The lifetime I lived in that millisecond reminded me of a giant portion of my life that I had successfully hushed. So much of my energy went into fighting, protecting, and defending. 

In one brief second, one dance, one inward look that mind you, I did not purposely provoke, I was taught a lesson that was too long in the works. 

Introversion is not lack of confidence. 

Too long I have poured myself into an energy that was not my own. Owning my energy was an enormous step, but seeing myself for what I am was a shock to my senses. 

Why on earth I felt the need to put that on this blog, is simple. Over the course of the past couple of years as I have found the things that I've needed to start to pull myself back to whole again, the major energy has been understanding passion. 

Sensualism in definition most commonly is assumed to refer to sex, however entails so much more about how we relate to the world around us, how we feel it, essentially how we experience it. 

So in that regard Yes- I write about sex.    I also write about life, and how life is felt, how it tastes, how energy pulses between people, how life feeds and wanes, and how our grandparents experienced sex.  

While I have a fun idea as to what may have caused my moment to occur... What matters is what I do with it. What do I do with the sensation, the beauty, the freedom? I can certainly run from it, or lock it up and continue on as I have in months past, or I can get caught up in asking why instead of focusing on the sunrise, perhaps I can shake off the confidence and go back to hiding in my introverted box afraid that having passion and an opinion may just hurt another person. 

I think I'll stay outside of the box.

Shy Willow

Awake

Awake

You cannot feel, you cannot see

How did I forget to blame me?

How did I not see that this is just

Just the way you are

I accept them all each one

Every energy that came my way

All this time I said I hurt 

but it was I that did not see nor feel

The rage you gave me flooded my veins

brought life to places long now asleep

Slowly the tingle of limbs starved of blood

throb as life returns to them 

Slowly the flood of oxygen wakes the grog

of a mind slowed by years of repression

I could not feel, I could not see

I'll never again forget to blame me.

by: Shy Willow

Flames

Sitting next to the fire, watching the flames dance I did not have the energy to run and be free. I sat... at times frozen, my eyes to the colors and dance within the fire ring before us. The sweet youthful spirits running free soaking in the air their lungs had craved. 

My body was capable, but somehow for some reason I needed to sit, to get lost in the heat. I watched the white hot coals remain constant as the blue and somewhat rare green flames sprang from the log that was being consumed. Higher up orange and red flames reached into the air more consistently and predictably dancing. 

So often in art those cooler in temperature flames are depicted, seen destroying forests or decorating a noisy motorcycle. Rarely does an artist draw the hotter and less predictable blue flames into their art. 

Perhaps I had it wrong, maybe the blue and orange flames working together is what enabled enough heat to create the white coals in the first place. 

Perhaps that balance we carry though at times feels a bit wild, is exactly what is needed to feed the coals which sustain the heat needed to continue to consume. 

We sat, we talked through it all, yet at times like these when our flames burn low and quiet, and the ash seems to fly carelessly through the air, it is that white hot coal that is waiting. 

Things cool. Aches and pains come. Trials and challenges fill our lives with storms. 

The white hot coals snap and crack with that beautiful sound of shattering glass, biding time, waiting until something comes along to feed it once again.

A stir, and new kindling, and the next moment, our flames roar to new heights as if they had never slumbered in the first place. 

- Shy Willow

Another Fishing Metaphor

You feel the line being lightly toyed with, obviously this fish has been drawn from the water before and is familiar with the feel of a steel hook. The bait begins to travel a small distance and you let out line to accommodate the prey you are after. You watch as the line pulls and stalls, darts again then rests, and you reflect on how this, your fishing has changed over the years. In times past you were a professional circuit fish thrashing champion, and now here you are rescuing this finicky fish from a mud pool where it and several others has no chance of survival. Days of netting and fishing have meant relocating fish back to the larger body of water that these fish belonged to prior to the accident which severed this smaller pool of water.

Suddenly your prey feels a surge of confidence and decides to bolt away having hopefully taken the bait firmer. A slight pull and you set the hook, knowing too much of a pull could rip the hook clear of the experienced mouth of the fish, yet not setting the hook is a risks your fish could decide to spit it out finding it too risky to keep hold of. 

Waiting for a fight to erupt from the line, disappoint sinks in when the line goes limp of life. Exhaling the frustration and concern all at once you begin to bring in line. A tightness takes you by surprise and you wonder if in the muddy gumbo you've picked up a log or rock, but after a bit of pressure and the drag starting to click against you it becomes clear that this fish is not like others you've seen or fought. 

Again you are faced with decisions. Do you bring this fish in fast and hard? Do you bring it in slow and gentle? Which one will tire the fish? Which way will reduce the stress and get it to the larger body of water safest? 

Each fishing trip yields something a bit different. Each relationship we enter does the same, going into it with preconceived notions can leave you disappointed or ill prepared for situations that arise. 

Often times titles skew the real meaning of our relationships and focusing on definition rather than value takes away from the enrichment and life giving experience a challenge may provide.

Obviously one must be in control and responsible when they see that they have the upper hand in a situation that requires they guide and direct another. However equally we must accept in life that these situations arise. 

-Shy Willow

Dark Room

Welcome to the darkest room of my castle; the room that until now no one else knew about. I quake knowing that now you will know the dark bloom of energy that swirls in clouds of blackness upon the dark canvas in which you gaze. I ache in bitter frustration as my being is sucked into the darkness which balances the passion that freely lights my day.

Welcome to the place inside of this suffocating darkness which cools the blood and slows the heart. Breath is drawn slowly and thoughts focus purposefully on the singular painful necessity. My mind swirls in the ache and bitterness of pain I've caused; bathing in the self punishment of disappointment and mourning. 

Colder and deeper I go, why are you here with me. No one must see this pain. On the verge of plunging into a pool of black and boiling tar, on the verge of letting go, there is a pull.

So many times before I've felt around this dark room with the tips of my fingers, searching for the freedom of the door. Why are you here, you will get hurt. 

Yet, before I know it, it would seem we are both in a the cold corridor outside of the dark room's heavy door. Slowly I warm and feel my body desire breath again. I've not been in that room for some time, nor do I wish to go in again. Perhaps you were there because you needed to see the peace you bring.

-Shy Willow

Part 4... Her Name

For those who are new, this post is a 4th part in a series called Her Name you can scroll down or check through the archives to locate the previous segments if you wish to read them first to get a better feel for the character of the brief plot.

For those returning, thanks for stopping by, I hope you enjoy your sensual break in my little corner of the web.

I hope you enjoy this installment of Her Name.

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After my own heat was nearly unbearable He sat back leaving nothing between us but tension and a dark expression. After a deep  and well controlled breath his attention was back toward Lacy as they picked up conversation about an event that was coming up in the near future that both seemed to have made plans to attend. 

Roger's face had the same dark expression that He had just washed away. Looking down at Doll you could see a beautiful charge build between the two of them. Doll's body was as still as it had been the entire night as their eyes were completely locked in a silent conversation. A single expression crossed Rogers dark and concentrating eyes and with that it would have seemed that his spell was absolutely broken except for Dolls immediate response. Within moments Doll was once again her happy playful self cooing under Rogers protective gaze, but now she was doing so setting herself to work releasing him from his pants. 

Looking away feeling the need to give them their own privacy I realized I was being introduced into an entirely different level of comfort and social trust for Him. Although the heat has not at all left my body now I have a bit more processing to do and it is admittingly a challenge given the state He put me in. 

Lacy and Hund were little different in their display. Lacy held Hund's leash quite tight in one hand as she prodded him with her heels and got in a lash here and there with the strap he carefully placed for her. Interestingly the expression on his face was much more at ease now then it was when I tried to introduce myself to him. The level of trust in the room escalates more and more as I see it and while the scenery itself is still rather new to me in some ways, the beauty is not lost. 

Hund is kept on his knees for the entire gathering. Though he is allowed to kiss Lacy's feet for sometime he remains on his knees. 

Doll is loved and petted and remains on Rogers leg until long sometime after she has pleased Roger. Doll's work was much less silent than Hund, though it would seem purposely so for Roger's pleasure as he seemed to build upon her audio serenade. 

He engages in conversation between both back and forth for awhile longer all the while kneading my skin and rubbing this thumb hard into different muscles in my thigh and back. The sensation gives a pleasant mixture of release and also a slight burn. I sit still and silent soaking in every touch and barely audible guttural rumble that vibrates in his throat. Each sensation building the most delicious tension between us.

Until in turn both couples take leave and thank Him for the invitation. Hund quickly changes and packs up, but this time Lacy waits for him. After walking both couples to the door He sits next to me again and searches my face. 

"That was an experiment wasn't it". His voice is deep and rumbles tickling the same places that are already throbbing from his assault. 

"I gather that was a warm up and trial run?" my words come more coolly than the fire that is raging within.

A small chuckle escapes His throat, "you don't miss much".

"I never really did like exams." I feign dissatisfaction.

"That is a shame, I suspect you're really going to dislike this next section then."

Within a moment I was pinned to the couch with His very warm body holding me securely. Part of me knew that even if I wanted to struggle it would be a wasted effort. However, I was mush in His hands, I didn't want to struggle.  

The next move still truly baffles, but in a stunning display He rolled us off the couch and in the time that it took to completely roll and land He had most of my dress displaced, a new position, and my body pinned once again, but now to the floor. 

"I believe you and I have some unfinished business to discuss." 

"Hmmm, does that mean I get out of the exam?"

"Hardly."

"Interesting." I huff. The weight of His body pressing me into the unrelenting floor is a sensation beyond glorious. It is a challenge to have much for emotional expression when the charge is so very strong.

A surge washed us both in a beautiful dance of pushing and pulling. Not a single word crossed our lips, no giggle, nothing but those sounds that are made to communicate that only the physical body need hear and understand. Those sparks that He massaged into my muscles were enough to feed into our first raging fire, a fire that raged until the early morning hours.

Spent and finally cooling He broke our silence, "come sweet Sapphire we need sleep". 

Tucking us into a soft cocoon and cradled in His arms I felt His breathing ease. "Good night Tim." 

He sighed lazily, "Good night sweet Becky." 

- Shy Willow

Letting Go

Letting Go

by: Shy Willow

Into my eyes and see the pain yet neither flinch nor recoil. 

Stories bathed in irony which dance in both rays of warmth and also the frosty bite of reality. 

Too many times the door left open gets closed behind suffocating and trapping. 

How often the energy turns from fire that feeds to one which takes life away.

Into the fire, the flames which grow and consume.

Lives bathed in irony which dance in the energy we've learned to trust and lean on.

No longer do we thrive in the boxes which we build to hide, no longer must we have doors.

An ache all to familiar we felt, an ache we tried to fill, is now free to burn.

Into my life and see the beauty which I see in every life.

Expressions of art bathed in the energy of passion, released from the purest of places.

Enticed, pursued, romanced then captured and wed with the breath of freedom.  

Into our eyes the energy, better understood, despite the pain, brings comfort and ease.

Chaotic Peace

pexels.com

A moments rest in the eye of the tornado, the storm we relish. We’ve sent our heart out, something not uncommon. Though we rarely give our self fully to another we give our heart with the hope that it will heal. On occasion it comes back, radiating. All too often the hurt we try to save is so deep that the love we share is lost, turned black, and used as fuel to feed an ugly monster.

We sit, taking a deep breath, filling our lungs for the first time in months. The pain is there though shifted to a new place. There is a new joy there giving us pause, is this our new reality?

Our webs are wide and complex while the inner strand is so well guarded and simple we are truly misunderstood.

We guard our pain as carefully as we guard our peace and love.

That breath we take in the mountains, when the buzzing is gone, that breath we take that washes away the pain, the breath that reaches every cell and screams freedom amongst our sweet chaos. 

-Shy Willow

Sex is Art

Artistic expression has found its way into every corner of the social experience. People have found food, literature, painting, street art, sculpting, music, body art, and aquamarine exhibits, social expressions of art in which to be enjoyed, shared, and explored. Although not everyone appreciates each type of art, and not each type of art seems to move every individual, the theme remains the same; people enjoy sharing the growth, wonder and experience together.

Some may choose to embrace sex itself as an art. Others may of course embrace sex in any number of ways, and beings as it is a language all its own, there really is not a set “right” way. However, I would like to suggest that we open our minds to the language of sex as an art. A social language that all experience differently, some embrace passionately, some immerse themselves in as a means of relating to the world, while others utilize the language as a way of release and perhaps momentary freedom. We will not always appreciate nor understand why or how those around us grasp the language and make it their own, but we do know that in a small way it is something we share.

I have had the chance to meet individuals who cannot allow themselves to feel passion in sex. The physical is just that. On the other end of the spectrum I’ve been privileged to meet those who’ve seen the experience as an artistic expression of energy which allows them something of a spiritual connection.

Differing lifestyles have differing views of the topic, but it seems no matter which side of the fence you call home you find individuals who have closed their minds to embracing the larger picture. Religion, no religion, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, or whatever it is you fancy labeling yourself, try remember that the labels in art are only a way of helping us find the kind of art we enjoy the most. The labels are not there to tell you which piece of art you will like, won’t like, should emulate, should not emulate, or should try to build your grilled cheese sandwich to represent.

Sex is art. To you it may be that sex is soccer, quilting, naptime, coffee, or gardening; no matter how you see it, or better yet, ultimately feel it, what matters is that we remember to appreciate spices, varieties, and many colors.

-Shy Willow

(Shy Willow is not suggesting unsafe sex practices. As always safe sex practices and the consultation of your physician to ensure you are healthy enough for sexual activity. Shy Willow writes for a mature audience.)

Mirrors

Free, warm, dancing with butterfly's wings

Fog, a cool mist, a dull saunter

A flame, a gnashing pain, a death

Growth, warm shift, acceptance 

Cat eyes that see, a pain that overtakes

Thick black tar, deep numbing, a dark escape

A deep miserable despair 

A fire started, a final reach

I held my breath

A reflection met

I held my breath

A fire started, a  final reach

Thick black tar, deep numbing, a dark escape

Cat eyes that see, a pain that overtakes

Growth, warm shift, acceptance

A flame, a gnashing pain, a death 

Fog, a cool mist, a dull saunter

Free, warm, dancing with butterfly's wings

By: Shy Willow

Her Name... Part 3

For those who are new, this post is a third part in a series called Her Name you can scroll down or check through the archives to locate the previous segments if you wish to read them first.

For those returning, thanks for stopping by, I hope you enjoy your sensual break in my little corner of the web.

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Parting our lips I drew a deep breath and felt something new fill my body. It was not the usual lust or ache from a physical encounter, but rather a curious sensation that much like beautiful darkness I could not put my finger on.

Finally coming out of my haze I was expecting a smirk on His knowing lips, but it was something else, perhaps the same strange bewilderment that had overcome me. A brief  pause and He had me help carry out a few things for a refreshment that was made for His guests. 

Settled down again it was not hard to notice that our shift in energy had not gone unnoticed by His guests. Doll was still at Roger's feet, though it appeared he had refilled her glass, but Hund had managed to change clothing and was now seated similarly at the foot of the chair he'd prepared for whomever it was he was waiting for. 

A deep breath had just eased from His perfect lips when another knock at the door interrupted the momentary silence. He rose and strode once again confidently and unshaken to answer the call, Hund fidgeted and then resolved himself to a firm position looking upon the carpet. 

"Hello Lacy" His welcome was warm and inviting, I could easily hear the smile His face met His guest with.

"Hello Handsome!!" a sultry woman's voice poured out like liquid sex.  They embraced and He welcomed her in, following closely behind it wasn't until they were in the sitting room that I was able to see her stunning figure. Her voice did not at all oversell her, and I found myself somehow wanting to melt, or dissolve, disappear even. Working with clients on a daily basis it is rare that an individual makes me feel so intimidated, but something about this guest seemed to to do just that.

"Roger" she nodded, not waiting for His introduction "Doll" she smiled warmly, "good to see you both again so soon!"

"Always good to see you too Lacy" Roger replied as Doll replied with nothing more than her gorgeous smile. 

Taking a step towards me, I felt every inch of my body pricked as her words deepened with something I knew very well to be dark, "and who is this pretty little thing..."

He stepped in front of her cutting off her motion and her sentence without a single word. The tension held for what felt like minutes.

Turning towards me and reaching out His hand, He brought me to my feet at His side. "Lacy, this is Sapphire. Sapphire this is a close friend of mine, Mistress..." She interrupted quickly, "Lacy will do, it is a pleasure to meet you Sapphire, that is a pretty name you have." Her handshake was formal and not unlike what I was very familiar with. Somehow He had diffused whatever tension, and I am not even sure why it was there. "Thank you, Lacy, I am very fond of it. It is a pleasure to meet you also." A grin overcame her face and she excused herself quietly as He pulled me back to His side at the couch. 

Lacy paced a bit around Hund, not at all acknowledging him. 

A low chuckle escaped His lips and He offered His guests refreshments. In the course of the next few minutes Doll daintily gushed over being allowed to serve Roger refreshments, Lacy briefly praised Hund for his good work, just before scolding him for slacking in making sure she had a drink in her hand, and before long Hund was Lacy's footstool, literally. 

The sincerity on Hund's face as he worked and hoped to please Lacy was endearing and beautiful. Not unlike the language of Roger and Doll, it seemed that Hund was attuned to Lacy's body language amazingly well. It seemed that each movement that Lacy made had some meaning which Hund quickly decoded and responded to. There were those moments that Hund did not quite read the movements correctly and Lacy seemed to enjoy jarring Hund with snaps to his pale colored skin with the strap he placed for her, or even with the spike of her heels until he quietly moaned. 

Lacy joined the men's conversation with ease as I again took up the position as silent observationalist. The conversation moved much like every other conversation, topic to topic with relative ease, though rather than work, weather, and politics this took on the form of work, leather, politics, inside jokes, and the twists of humor associated with living in what I would call a duality of life. The movement of the room was exciting to watch. 

His breathing next to me was a constant frustration. Focusing on conversation and learning new personalities, I was at the same time soaking up the time I had with Him, while also trying to understand the rich and dark sensation we had shared earlier in the kitchen. His emotions moved a great deal through the night and prior to that moment, had been easy to read and understand. 

As I was rifling through the images of His emotions, the conversation shifted pulling me from my shared focus. A pause, and what felt like tension, though not negative tension. 

His hand slid tighter around my back and side and rested on my thigh. As He slid his hand to the side of my thigh He squeezed it tightly in His large hand, making the breath catch in my lungs. 

"What do you say, has my baby girl been good?" Roger asked the room as his eyes darkened gazing into Doll.

"Fantastic I'd say" He spoke with a kind smile towards Roger. 

"I suppose she deserves to be rewarded then." Rogers words oozed with a calm darkness that deepened Dolls haze. Her breath changed and her smile softened as she calmed herself soaking in every movement Roger made. I am pretty certain at this point Doll no longer had any notion of people still being around her. 

At that He bent to my ear whispering slowing the heat shot straight into my most deeply guarded of places, "watch the energy spread like wildfire", and with that his teeth found my jawline and neck... torturing the tiny shred of control I clung to. 

- Shy Willow

Her Name ... pt 2

... among the chatter another knock came at the door. This knock was more timid, the first couple of raps went unnoticed by the conversing men. Doll and I's reaction to the sound seemed to be the only way the next visitor was going to gain entrance into the rendezvous.

 

"Excuse me." His words paused the conversation. 

 "Good evening Sir." A meek male voice met His at the opening of the door, "I hope my timing is acceptable."

"Yes, right on time, come in." 

"Thank you" the meeker man replied. 

As He entered the space again I was expecting the meeker man to be smaller or quite a deal younger, but really neither seemed to be the case. The timid fellow was about the same size, huskier even, and roughly our same age, wearing a costly suite, and overall looked sharp. 

"Sapphire this is Hund." As I was standing to greet Hund he pulled away nervously and I paused... what had I done wrong. I looked nervously up and He took my hand and smiled and pulled me into the couch with him.

Hund seemed to relax a bit putting down the bag that he carried with him. The bag did not look like the type a businessman would carry, rather it looked like an overnight bag. 

"Sir" he struggled in an innocent way, "where am I to set up for Mistress?" Hund fidgeted as he awaited His response. "Over there is fine Hund, make use of what you need of course" He motioned towards a leather chair kitty-corner from the couch.

"Thank you Sir" Hund nodded and began to focus on his task. 

He and Roger picked up conversation and Doll sat still as ever, with slight movements which seemed a reflection of Roger's every motion. I sat concentrating on the liquid layer of the wine in my glass as I lost myself in thought. He pulled me back quickly as I felt his hot breathe fill my ear and wrap around my neck, "Hund isn't allowed to be touched by anyone without permission from his owner, you startled him, he was not sure how to respond and did not want to be rude" He whispered in my ear. 

I swallowed hard feeling a pain for the frustration I'd caused Hund, my ignorance made him more nervous on top of the tension he'd brought with him. Pursing my lips in my own disappointment His hand slid up the curve of my neck slowly as His fingers twisted gently into my loose hair. 

His whisper continued "you need to relax, you were being polite and did nothing wrong, he always frets for awhile" He applied a bit of tension to my curls and a delicious feeling combated the anxiety inside of me. "Breathe beautiful" His whisper came as He released my hair and pulled me into His strong side. 

Hund was busy arranging things in his bag, had pulled out clothing, and placed a leather strap on the edge of the arm of the chair. Glancing towards Doll I noticed that she was still lost in Rogers every movement, and soaked in the looks he would occasionally reward her with. Those moments when he would look down upon her are when Doll's face would light up and glow and emotions would spring from her in the most uncontrollable way, now I understood. It was beautiful really, to see their unspoken language, how strong it was, how Roger could say so much to Doll just by a subtle change in the glances he gave her. 

"I have a tray to bring out, care to help me?" His words were laced with something dark...

"Of course" I smiled, following Him to the kitchen. 

Once we were near the fridge I felt a familiar pull as He twist me around and pinned me against the cool doors of the appliance. Growling in my ear I felt His free hand sliding into my hair "your response was too much, I had to have it again" His growl vibrated against the skin just below my earlobe. Pulling my hair steadily back that alert skin on my neck was met with His teeth, and this time time I didn't laugh and squirm, I sighed out a breath that fueled His eagerness. Kissing me deeply I felt something much different in His lips, something I couldn't quite put words to, something dark, but beautiful.

- Shy Willow

Daggers

Daggers of a moment that dart without pensive's chance
Pain that slices deep the mended ties and bonds
A death, emotional pain too expansive to reap tears
Balance made, a price sorely paid 
Daggers of a moment that dart from balance paid
Pain that was felt from heart throbs eons away
A death, emotion pain expansive the tears were reaped 
A price sorely made, balance paid 

~Shy Willow

Her Name

Getting to know a man like Him is a thrilling cocktail of excitement, adrenaline, and the unknown. I could see where it would be easy to assume that with how upfront He is that there would not be much under the surface....

We started visiting several months ago. Our first conversations were pretty straight forward with little by way of mush or emotion. Getting to know each other was easier than other acquaintances and relationships I've experienced. A hard working man with a specific taste in most things and a desire to make sure communication is complete and effective.  

I am fairly open myself. My emotions can be a mess like most women I suppose. So things I tend to be open about while others I tend to bury very deep, only visiting them myself on rare occasions making certain I leave years between those visits. 

There is something very refreshing about a man that is so open. I wont go so far as to say that He is talkative. Nor will I say that his openness removes all intimidation... that simply is not the case. He demands respect with his movements, the way He crafts His responses, and the manner His body moves with overwhelming confidence in everything that He does. 

Our first dates were in public places, or with a couple of friends joining us. He wanted me to feel safe. Some of our outings were more formal dinner dates; a couple of dinner events were even related to His job, which really was surprising to me. Another few dates were at locations in town which tend to accommodate a variety of relationships, lifestyles, and comforts. I was introduced to a few ladies that were with friends that He spotted as we visited. Always having a couple or more join us as the night progressed. Under other circumstances I am sure I would find that annoying. His lead puts my mind at ease, and I very much enjoyed those I had the honor to meet. Along with the interesting people, I watched how he interacted differently with those in this setting, than He did in any other place that I'd seen yet. He was more relaxed, still carrying Himself strongly but somehow a bit more at ease.  

Tonight's date is a bit different. The nerves building inside of me are actually making my stomach upset. To be honest, I have no idea why. Going over my own personal checklist of things I had wished to finish before leaving my apartment, I found that with each moment that got closer I am more and more apprehensive. Not fear... or is it fear? No it cannot be fear, is it excitement? Yes that must be it, but there is something more. 

My cobalt blue dress is pretty stunning and I'd hoped that by wearing it I may just feel a bit of added confidence. Black heels and a loose carefree curly hair style fell over my shoulders down the length of my back. Wearing a bit more makeup than I do for work, yet less dark in color I glanced again at the mirror and while I never really appreciate what I see, I wasn't overly disappointed either. 

"Hello."  I smiled while He was greeting me and opening his apartment door. I felt the heat radiate from my cheeks.

"Hello. Come on in. You look wonderful." His words came out smoothly and not at all lacking that confidence I've come to know Him by.

"Thank you." I stepped carefully through the threshold of a new adventure. 

"You look a bit nervous."

"Yes I am, and I am not sure why." I spoke honestly without hesitation.

"Good." His smirk always lights me on fire. "It simply means you don't find me predictable yet. I like that." He took my arm and led me to a sitting room and motioned me to sit with him. "Care for a drink?"

"Yes please."

"Pinot Nior alright?" He knew very well it was more than alright. I smiled and have an agreeable nod.

Our dinner went very well. Smoothly and we visited about a lot of topics ranging from work, to current events, people He'd introduced me to, and upcoming plans. While He was very professional feeling in our meal, I could not help but notice the occasional glance that did not quite feel like it agreed with the tone He was keeping.  

A fruity dessert and another class of wine in the sitting room and the tone changed again. He was more relaxed and had that easy look on His face that I saw at the club. 

After a bit He moved to stand in front of me. Pulling me to my feet and holding my hand He led me towards a hallway that had stairs. In a sudden move I found myself turned facing Him with my hands behind my back, and my back pushed up to the railing of the stairs. Instantly my body changed all of the prior nervous energy into a heated want. His lips barely touched my neck and He slid His lips and nose up to the bottom of my hairline. 

"You look incredible in this deep blue color." His whisper poured hot breathe onto my skin which was already on high alert. Before I could respond His teeth gently sunk into my neck. A sigh escaped my lips, while a moment later a chuckle left His. 

"I'm glad you enjoy that. You need a name." He said as he looked me up and down as though He were inspecting me like He would a new car. A grin came to His face. "It came to me the moment you walked through the door." I smiled as I watched His expression teasing me, delighting in my not knowing, my anticipation. 

"We are expecting company tonight. You remember Roger and His Doll?" 

"Yes, I believe she was the one with jet black hair and Roger was the very tall man."

"That's right. I invited them over so that you could get to know Doll a bit better." With that His lips took ownership of mine. Still holding my wrists His body heat on mine made my knees feel weak as His lips seemed to be filling me with life itself. Pulling away He smiled down at me. 

At that moment a knock came at the door, lacing our fingers together He walked me to the door. Grinning at me as he opened the door, He dropped my hand to shake Roger's and invite them in.

"Roger. Doll." He said giving Doll a brief hug. "You remember Sapphire?" 

I looked up into His eyes, which met mine. A small smile spread across my lips as I saw that knowing look on His face again. 

"Hello Sapphire, it is great to see you again," Roger said as he leaned in to give me a small hug. No one has ever touched me, of any of His friends, but it seems that having been introduced with my new name is significant. 

"Hello Lovely!!" Doll giggled as she gave me an excited hug. 

He and Roger moved into the room finding the wine. Doll and I visited a moment before we were interrupted.

"Doll."

"Yes, Sir."

"Come sit." Rogers voice came from the sofa. 

Doll gave me a quick smile and headed directly towards Roger. He game towards me as Doll was sitting at Rogers feet. Handing me my glass of wine, which He'd refreshed He slid His hand around mine saying, "Come Sapphire".  

I am sure the smile on my face as I walked next to Him did not go unnoticed by Roger and Doll, but I was too busy trying to control the heat I knew came to my face yet again. Sitting us down on the sofa opposite of Roger He whispered in my ear, "Ready?" I nodded subtly. 

Roger and He visited for some time, as Doll kneeled quietly at Rogers feet. He handed her some wine and she sat still and sipped her wine, remaining attentive to Roger. I also sipped my wine in silence observing the conversation and happenings. I could feel His energy and knew that this was important...


(to be continued)

~ Shy

I Was Not Disappointed

Sitting here at this restaurant is both my favorite place to be, and my worst nightmare. The atmosphere is alright, classy and operated by an upbeat staff and management team. While I sit, I know on several occasions throughout the week he is going to walk in. He will be meeting with clients, friends, and even one of the women who have appreciated his looks the way I do. That body that sets mine on fire, that smile that is so damn contagious I would stare at him patiently waiting for it to emerge, looking an absolute obsessive fool just to see its purity. Yet, when he walks by so does my broken heart and rekindled pain. 

I knew better. I knew in the morning it was going to hurt. I knew that two people open, and free, sharing and blissfully calm was a recipe for disaster. I knew from the pleasure there was going to be absolute pain. I was not disappointed. 

Playing together and pushing aside all care, even the ugly truths were stunningly beautiful. How could two hearts bared completely open yield anything but ravishing art? We painted, the both of us, on one canvas the picture of beauty. I was not disappointed.

In his arms I knew I would never feel this again. I knew it while it happened. As he drifted into the sweetest and most peaceful sleep my mind did not want to let go of a moment I knew I would never get back again. It felt perfect. As my heart fell, letting go, and finally trusting to be free, his stayed frozen in time and pain. He waits there still as I plunge into a dark, dismal abyss forever reaching for that light he gave me. I knew this would hurt. I was NOT disappointed. 

- Shy Willow

Rum... pt 3

Yes that's right, a third installment of "Rum" by request. Shall we see how James and Rum fair now that Rum is aware of James possessiveness? Will she submit to her own desire, has she found her glitter in the mud, is James just taking advantage of a pretty face?


"I didn't see that coming, that's for sure." Rum's pleasure was apparent on her face. 

"I want to hear you say it," James still holding her hair spoke with calm confidence. Rum's face spoke her confusion, "I want to hear you say that you understand that you are mine" Jame's tone not wavering.

"I'm yours, Sir."

"Hmmm. I need more than that" James' expression lit fire to Rum's delicate black silk panties.

"I'm yours Sir, until you no longer wish to have me" her tone was certainly different than she used in the bar.

"I don't share, I am jealous, I am possessive, you're not allowed to be touched, do you understand that?" Jame's question was much less asking and much more demanding and Rum loved every bit of it.

"I understand, no one else's." With that James spun her around and pressed her against a nearby wall. Spreading her legs with a knee and pinning her wrists to the wall at the same time, Rum could feel James' want press into her ass. Sliding her hands up the wall and over her head James whispered in her ear, "Good now I'm claiming whats mine."

.... 

Massaging and kneading my cheek he spoke in my ear, "You're mine Rum." I'd just gotten used to the rhythm of his hand when he suddenly slapped my ass, hard. The shock woke something up inside of me I had not felt in quite a long time. Desire started to pool in my core and I bit my bottom lip in utter need trying to focus through the sting, and at the same time relax and let go. A second, third, fourth, then fifth sting landed all lighting up my body sending me into an orbit that is hard to control.  

While I was still working my way through his touch he stripped my body of my clothing, everything but my black heels. Spinning me around he used his thumb to slide my lip from my teeth. "Knees Rum". I slid to my knees and look up at a beautiful specimen of a man towering over me and felt another gush in my hot folds. I grinned and stuck my tongue out waiting....

Gagging on his huge cock only made matters worse. His growl of pleasure turned on my fire. Before I knew it he had me on the floor my body pinned and my legs spread by his thick, strong body. How he knew exactly what all of my weakness are is truly beyond me. 

"Mmmm I knew you'd like that" James words came out as pure sex as his fingers discovered my very wet slit. "I knew you were naughty."  I moan to his expert touch unable to develop any other response. "Your mouth is so good Rum, but I am claiming all of you tonight" James continued to bring me to the edge of the cliff. As quietly as I could I writhed with his touch, holding back, then finally jumping off when he said, "cum for me Rum, now." Before my skydive had ended James had rammed hard into my girl. Pounding me relentlessly I was ready seconds after I landed. 

"James" his name came from my lips. "That's right Rum, who do you belong to?" His confidence was a secret weapon that I had no defense for.

"James, I belong to ...." Pressing me down hard and pounding into me with machine like consistency and force I couldn't get my mind to work for me. 

"Good girl, let me have it Rum, don't hold back what belongs to me." His words again undid me and I shattered under him. This continued over and over and over as he tormented the perfect spot inside of me, until I lost count. James was finally starting to build enough that he was moaning and whispering into my ear. 

Suddenly he had me up, to my feet, then bent over the arm of the couch. Sliding his glorious cock all the way up and all the way down my sensitive skin I wondered how much longer I could hold up. 

A jolt rushed through me his hand landed on my other cheek. Once, twice, then on the third slap he entered my body again. After sending out a squeal James' honey like words enveloped me "Who's hole is this third one I'm enjoying Rum?" His hand was again expertly working my clit as he rammed deeply into ass.

"James" I cried, "Oh James, it's yours." Again his body picked a rhythm that was pure perfection. This time when I fell to pieces he joined me.

I crumbled into his arms when he lifted me up to his chest moments later. Cradled in his arms I had no energy to argue, be snarky, or even express my admiration. I couldn't even ask if he was pleased. 

Another few moments later I was woken as he was pulling us together under the sheets in his bed. Kissing my neck James soothed, "sleep sweetheart". I mumbled for a syllable or two until the brain finally made semi quality connection with my mouth, "I didn't get to make sure you were satisfied, Sir."

James laughed heartily, "I am beyond satisfied. My body and my mind are elated, you're finally in my arms, and you didn't run away from my kinky lovin" he chuckled again.

"Never." 

"Never what?" he hummed. "I'd never run away, you're my glitter" my mouth was failing me as the words oozed out thick with exhaustion.

"You'll have to explain that one to me tomorrow, sleep baby, that's an demand, you need to rest." Playing with my hair was the final nail in my decent to sleep.

"Good night James."

"Good night Rum." 

-Shy Willow

Beast

She sunk her teeth into my neck, stirring something deep inside of me. The pain subtle but absolutely overwhelming. For weeks she's been telling me she wants to see the beast inside of me. So many times I've laughed and rolled my eyes. But her teeth made it clear. I finally understand what she wants.

The moment I felt her pearly whites clamp down on my skin I felt something primal come alive within my chest. Some deep dark hidden secret needing to erupt from inside of me. A growl escaped my throat as I firmly grasped her tiny waist in my hands. I've always been so delicate and careful with her, but now I find myself wanting to ravage and consume her pretty little feminine body. 

She growled low, "I knew you were in there" and the words hit me like a steal i-beam. I felt my entire body tense with need. Trying to distract myself I kissed her soft lips. Biting my bottom lip and tugging gently, she released and groaned "you are going to have to do better than that". Why was she trying to make me mad, and why was it working, and damn why is it turning me on. 

Her hands started pushing and pulling me, I've always been surprised by how strong she is for her size. She packs an ornery punch for such a dainty little thing. Biting my chest and shoulders then neck again she started to try to pin me down. 

That did it.

In a flash  my eyes hazed. Before I even had time to think I had her flipped on her back, arms pinned above her head and her legs spread to make room for me. With one hand I was peeling her close off as she tried to fight back and free herself. The harder she fought the firmer I held her. Her giggles turned into grunts of effort, then into low hungry moans and groans. 

I teased her entrance with the throbbing and swollen pride of my manhood. "You've never been so ready for me baby" I growled in her ear. She couldn't even formulate words in response. "I like you hot, and panting underneath of me." She moaned loudly and tried to roll her hips into me. Her entire body was in submission to me, and something about that made me feel alive and awake for the first time. 

I forced my way inside of her, no frill, no warm-up. I punished her wetness for teasing me. It felt so damn good, I growled in hear ear biting her neck and pounding into her until her moans mixed with gasps of pain. Her moans got louder, her cries spurred me on, harder and harder. "This isn't going to stop until you cum baby" I smirked as I looked into her near tearing eyes. 

Instantly her body responded and she clamped down on me. Her beautiful eyes rolled to the back of her head and her body curled tightly against my hold on her. A second later her body was violently jerking and twitching, the sensation was my own undoing and I filled her with myself. 

She continued shaking for moments after. Then suddenly I heard her gasp as though she'd been holding her breath the entire time. I pulled her into an embrace lying next to her, as we both worked down our breathing. 

I felt regular vision restored to my eyes and I saw a softness return to her face. Looking up at me she smirked, "I knew you had it is you".

- Shy Willow

Writers

Surely I am glad I am not friends with myself, it must be tough to put up with a writer. 

I came across this article about introverts and thought it was an interesting way of explaining it.

I am enjoying the time writing the novel. Watching the characters in this piece develop has been a fabulous lost-in-imagination playground.  I have found I finally got to a point where my creative juices have become a bit taxed, but that gave me time to catch up to my outline a bit and fill out some scenes that I have been pondering for several days. 

When I get a bit word jammed I read. Another article that I ran across on my net-article-surfing-break was about being married to a writer. It made me giggle so I thought perhaps I'd pass it along.

 

- Shy Willow

Incredible Sex Tips

I have been enjoying the Novel in a month writing challenge from NaNoWriMo. I have really liked the out pouring of creativity and the focus the challenge is affording me.

I have found that on occasion I need a break from brain storming and writing out the opinions of my characters. Yesterday I went on an internet article reading spree. These sprees generally end in the most interesting of places and never result in the same sort of information. After roaming around the cyber highways of distraction I came across Sofeminine and their article about vintage sex tips. I got a good laugh out of several of the tips and hints, and feel as though all women should read this article, pick up some great tools of the trade, and then count their lucky stars that society has progressed.

*Vintage Sex Tips posted by Sofeminine

The novel has gained a few new characters which I will be introducing here very soon. 

 

- Shy Willow